Never Stop Believing

Two posts in one week and in one day? Something must be wrong with me..............


I made up my mind about leaving, but I'm just starting to feel guilty. I know that I have too, but I'm a procrastinator.

Packing up boxes is not an alluring chore for me to look forward too, but either is going to work. And I have to work and move and start school in the 4 days. I'll never get it done, but I guess I'll just be moving for the next couple of weeks.

I feel better like a weight has been lifted a little. I know he's not happy, but things could've ended up way differently.

I'm still a believer, but I have my doubts. Thoughts of complete independence still possess me, but I guess I'll have to see how I feel after a couple of months.

Need another vacation.

Sunshine, Vacations, and Friends are Good for the Soul

Small vacations are nice, even if it's only two hours away. Friends are great when you know you can always rely on and Sunshine is always a good thing.

Making some moves in the next couple of weeks and hoping they change my frame of mind. Going crazy and trying not to come undone. Only a week until school starts again. This is five quarters in a row and I'm getting burnt out. Taking the summer off hopefully will do me some good.

Note to Self

Alcohol + Attitude = Drunk Meghan For a Few Hours :)

Sam was back with a vengance last night......Gotta love those alternate personalities that come out when I drink

Seeings exs is ok sometimes and some how suprisingly handled it well. But then again maybe that's because I saw him and talked to him.

Done Analyzing myself for the eveing. Off to the blissful sleepiness of Thera-Flu.

They're coming to take me away ha ha he he ho ho

One of those days.
One of those months.
One of those years.
One of those lifetimes.

I'm never going to fully recover. Recover from what I'll never completely understand.

Why do I go from having all the gusto in the world to being the laziest bum that hangs around for two days in a row without taking a shower?

Why do I have all this anxiety about the future and why am I still trying to fight being alone?

I love him but this yearning to be independent just seeps out of my pores, but all the anxiety about hurt feelings won't go away. I feel like I am lost within myself, the real me trying to scream out behind this body I happen to inhibit.

I am a co-dependent, that's one of the problems, and I hate the thought of being alone, but it's something I feel like I have to do in order to cure these feelings of insecurity and anxiety. I can't depend on someone to do everything for me. I need to depend on me and me alone to get through this myself.

That's me. Crazy as a shithouse rat, or something like that.

So long.
Farewell.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
To you and you and you.