There's no jobs in this town...........Yeah, unless you wanna work 40 hours a week.........

So I went back to work yesterday after a week and a half off. Nothing changes. I am so glad Chris is back. We are pretty much working the same schedule right now which is cool, but with me moving back in to the parental units house, it's almost like we are 16 again. Haven't done it in the back of the car yet :) I can't wait for us to start our lives together. I am so tired right now I really don't know why I am typing. Chris and I went hottubbing tonight and then made a taco bell run. It's Christmas break right now and all the littl 16 and 17 year old high schoolers were hanging in the parking lot. Combine that with the fact that I am sleeping and living in the same room that I once did when I was 16, it is making me feel really old right now. At least my boyfriend turns 21 in a couple of weeks :)

Nothing's Ever Promised Tomorrow Today

After my last post, my father, my dad, Max William Elder, passed away around 10pm Sunday night. I think I am still numb from it. I have had a few moments of crying, but there has been so much to do, helping my mom plan his service, and trying to be a rock to her and vice versa. There are just too many people to see and it hits so closely to so many people. My dad was a great man. I was there with my mom and the pastor as I watched my dad pass away. I've never had anybody close to me die, let alone, I've never seen a dead person. And the first one I do see, is my dad, who I have loved so dearly all of my life. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go thru, hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, and I feel myself, my being, my heart, my soul, will never be the same.

Inevitability

I found out yesterday that my dad's cancer has gotten worse. He has had cancer for a second time for about a year. But this week it plunged. The doctors told him Monday that his liver failed. They don't think he is gonna make it thru Christmas. They hope he will, but there are no guarantees. It's so wonderful and depressing to see him. A man, once so full of life, sitting there in his recliner, tired and sick. He has lost so much weight, and all I want to do is cry, but I try to stay strong for my family. It is the hardest thing, I think, that I have ever had to go thru. No one close to me has ever died. And he is my father. My Daddy. My Rock. My Strength. I feel like I haven't told him enough that I love him. I feel like I have been such a failure to him. There are so many things I want to say. I'm not ready for this. I don't think anyone is. It just happened so fast.

Youth is in the Eye of the Beholder

So Khaley had her Christmas Pageant today. The story of Bailey the Bear and all the bees, and giving and receiving, all in all a really cute story, with a good moral. But then there is my daughter. She is in 1st grade, so she is one of the bees. We get there sit in the front row, and she is either flirting with the boys or embarassed of us. It's so weird to look at her, and remember myself what it was like to be in 1st grade. She's grown so much. Can't wait to have another one, maybe there can be two parents this time.

Consciousness is a Terrible Curse

So, since things have been going good for a little while, I have been happy which is good, but of course I make the mistake of talking to someone from my past (well immediate past) that can fuck up a good day in a second. He said some pretty hurtful things the other night (for example: "I hope he has a warm bed for your cold heart" and "He deserves better than you") I am already self conscious enough about my relationship with Chris, but when someone outside of the situation makes comments like that, even though I know they are strictly out of hurt, it gets me thinking. I just need to remember to not let those comments get to me.

So, I've turned into a Bridezilla. No, I'm not engaged, no he hasn't asked me, but we have talked about it, and the more we talk about it, the more I start looking. The more I start planning. The more I start looking at Zales and other jewelry stores. I am demented.

And another thing, I don't know how long I have to wait, or how much ass I have to kiss to get Anita to respond to me. The only time she has responded to me was when I told her that one of her old coworkers had passed away. That was the only time I have heard from her. It is really starting to piss me off. Normally they say no news is good news, but not in this case. I just need an answer from her, so I know what the fuck I am doing. It irritates me that she can't even text me.